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Joke of the Day

"Unroll wrapping paper. Shoo cat away Turn to get gift Shoo cat away Get tape Dammit cat Get tape Wrap up cat Wrap up gift Pet cat"

"I don't want you to feel like you can't express yourself, but I do want you to stop talking."

"Lots of hockey tweets, sadly I'm from Alabama where a bunch of white guys chasing something black with sticks has a whole different meaning."

"Someone called me yesterday and said, ""Hello, is this Ross"" I said "" no it's Chandler"" And they hung up. So much for trying to be Friends."

"""Computers will never replace humans."" - Cannibal wisdom."

"Me: Do you have any wrongdog? ""Ugh fine what's wrongdog"" Me: thank you so much for asking I'm doing terrible"

"Have you seen my cat? I saw a poster today, somebody was asking ""Have you seen my cat?"" So I called the number and said that I hadn't . I like to help where I can."

"Does a bear pope in the woods?"

"And God promised men that... Good and obedient wife's would be found in all corners of the world.........Then he made the world round....and laughed and laughed and laughed..."

"I guess this is why they don't let kids be lawyers You just know one would've gotten Jared off."