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Joke of the Day

"Theres a dating website for people that believe the government is ran by lizard people so I really have no excuse for being single"

"Why do girls like guys who wear shirts with eight buttons? They fascinate."

"I like my women like I like my bacon I like them."

"I hate toilet seats... They're all assholes."

"""Ladies and gents."" That concludes our tour of the toilets."

"How do you stop a North Korean tank? Shoot the soldier pushing it."

"If a threesome is with 3 people... If a threesome is with 3 people and a foursome is with 4 people I can see why they call you handsome."

"Guy at the Apple store suggested I turn off my phone once a week, so I slapped his face and ran out of the store crying."

"How do you start a teddy bear race ? Ready teddy go !"

"Philae comet lander wakes up [After 7 months] ""Where the *fuck* am I?!"""