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Joke of the Day

"What did you call a dinosaur that keeps you awake at night ? Bronto-snore-us !"

"Sometimes I make up raps about the mortgage brokers and escrow officers I work with in case one of these mother fuckers tries to battle me."

"So, what's the suspension like on one of these? Does it have good road handling? What's the spring rate? ~ me, bra shopping"

"I like my sentences like I like my women: awkward but with good colon usage and regular periods."

"What's Jon Snow's favorite children's book? Where The Wildlings Are"

"I know this Ethiopian family who are so poor they had to eat clay to survive. Afterwards they were all shitting bricks."

"Did you hear about the Irish man who tried to blow up a bus? He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe."

"I like my ice cream like I like my women. Plain vanilla, and hopefully if it lies around long enough it will get wet so I don't have to do much with my mouth."

"Obamacare? More like ""Obama? I don't care for that guy!!!"" Honk if you want poor people to die"

"Why are pills white ? Because they work."