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Joke of the Day

"Scientists have discovered... That left handed people are significantly more likely to finish exams than people with no hands."

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"Why I'd never get a sex change I wouldn't have the balls to do it"
"What are the two best arguments against democracy? Donald Trump & Hillary Clinton"
"The neighbor's daughter is 16 years old. At least, she said she was. How much trouble are you in?"
"""You're not pretty enough. Now pay us $3.99 so we can tell you why."" - Magazines"
"Relevant advice. Remember everyone, if you're attacked by a group of clowns. Go right for the juggler."
"[1st day in heaven] God: Welcome! Have a taco and a shot of tequila. Do you like music? Me: Yeah. G: How about a little, *giggles* Nirvana?"
"Giving someone a Dunkin Donuts gift certificate for their birthday is the perfect way to say ""I love you"" and ""I hate you"" at the same time"
"The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins."
"You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it."