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Joke of the Day

"why did helen keller masturbate with one hand? so she could moan with the other..."

"Well they were right. If you shave around it it looks bigger Damn nose.."

"me: time to apologize. did you eat the receipt? 8: yup me: ok cause if mom finds out we bought these flowers at the grocery store we're dead"

"Judge: Your client says he's mentally fit to stand trial correct?Lawyer: Yes, your honor.Judge: Then can you tell him to get out of my seat?"

"Why doesn't Justin Bieber shop at Sport's Authority? Because he likes Dicks."

"I need to find out what my company needs to do in order to get protests by topless women."

"bucket: a dirty limerick A horny young Scout, with a bucket, Caught a goose and proceeded to fuck it Far too roughly (it died), Took it home, had it fried, Cause he thought it'd wasteful to chuck it."

"What do you call someone you want to be stepped on by? A crush crush"

"The internet connection on my phone seems to be at its fastest when I've clicked the wrong link."

"7yr old ""Do women get their periods on weekends too?"" Me ""Yes"" 7yr old mutters to herself ""Jesus Christ"""