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Joke of the Day

"They should put Prince on the $20 bill... They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It's ""The bill formerly known as a twenty."""

"How is soy and dildos similar? They're both meat substitutes"

"I hate when the urinal auto-flushes while I'm still using it. Did I just cease to exist? Am I back now? If not, where am I peeing?"

"Every time ""Cops"" comes on I'm like ""PLEASE don't show my episode."""

"Why do vacuums machines make for such terrible hairdriers? because they suck."

"Where can you find a scientist that's into bestiality? In his lab!"

"Remember, tomorrow is Good Friday So let's all act like Jesus and get completely hammered."

"I'm Puerto Rican, but not ""carries a knife in my purse everywhere I go"" Puerto Rican. Sometimes it's in my bra."

"Ever been to a bulimic's birthday party? (fixed) The cake jumps out of the girl."

"Yo Mamas teeth are so yellow I can't believe it's not butter."