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Joke of the Day

"What did the bookshelf say when it looked in the mirror? ""I can see my shelf"""

"Who makes the music for the Marvel movies? The Avengers Ensemble."

"How do Jazz musicians drink their liquor? Straight, No Chaser."

"How do you make an orange turn red? Get John Boehner to cry."

"[Interviewing to be a mortician] Do you have any experience handling dead bodies? -Well I get my sleepy kids ready for school every day."

"Upgrade your weekend: Take Monday Off..."

"I can only handle so much of a screaming kid on a long car ride before I pull over, take them off the roof, and let them back in."

"I like to intentionally barge into guys wearing camo and then look around bewildered like I have no idea what I just ran into."

"Have you ever seen those ""Give a penny, take a penny"" things at convenience stores??? that makes no cents"

"Did you hear about the popcorn that was demoted? He used to be a kernel."