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Joke of the Day

"What did JFK say about his multiple affairs? ""I did them not because they were easy, but because I was hard."""

"Guys, when she complains about something you didn't do, tell her about the things you did do. That will make everything ok! You're welcome!"

"What do 9 out of 10 people consider fun? A gang rape."

"I just saw a guy running a race and masturbating at the same time. I wonder what place he'll come in."

"I'm trying to ignore the subway mariachi band that's ruining my commute, but I should have refused to carpool with them in the first place."

"When your wife says ""It's up to you"", it's not."

"[looks over neighbour's fence while he's in the pool] ""Dude, we get it. You can hold your breath for [looks at watch] 19 days."""

"Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore... A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband."

"C'mon guys, just 50 more likes and her father will love her."

"A man calls in to work sick on a Friday His boss asks him, ""Why what's wrong with you?"" He replies, ""its my eyes boss... I just can't see my ass coming in to work today."""