227428

Joke of the Day

"I saw a chameleon today... So I guess it's safe to say it was a pretty shit chameleon."

"That new vet really screwed up my pig's colonoscopy He's pretty ham-fisted"

"Teacher: How much is half of 8? Pupil: Up and down or across? Teacher: What do you mean? Pupil: Well up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!"

"at my high school reunion everyone kept asking where my date was so I finally told them my dog ate him. no one laughed"

"What would a Prius minivan be called? Post-us"

"When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes out for milk and doesn't comeback."

"The #AshleyMadisonHack is getting out of hand. Site just revealed that I've been cheating on my diet. I'm not even sure how they'd know that"

"Computers are like women At first you cherish them with all your love. Then, as time goes on you become more careless. Until one day you realize... *You have a virus*"

"""I wish you would stop staring at my breasts. "" said the barmaid, ""you're making me uncomfortable. "" ""Uncomfortable?"" I replied, ""you want to try sitting on one of these stools with an hard on. """

"Two deer walk out of a gay bar... One of them turns to the other and says ""I can't believe I blew thirty bucks in there"""