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Joke of the Day

"""Can I help you find something?"" I'm looking for the perfect diamond for my wife that says ""sorry I cheated on you in your dream last nite"""

"I am so glad that BP is easier to spell then Eyjafjallajokull"

"""I don't think you're ready for this jelly."" ~ me talking shit to my peanut butter sandwich."

"I accidentally got my blow up doll pregnant. Related: I've got some balloons for sale."

"An alcoholic, a pedophile and a Catholic priest walk in to a bar and the bartender says... [""Oh, Father O'Bannon, you're alone tonight?""](/spoiler)"

"Sue: I'm off to the hairdressers, what sort of cut would make me look beautiful? *giggles* Stan: A power cut."

"I had a pun about insanity.. ..but I lost it"

"What do you call a drink with problems? Dilemmanade"

"LPT: if you are lost in japan, ask for soy sauce ...it will shoyu the way"

"Don't you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That's why I do it."