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Joke of the Day

"my marrige is just like my time in prison nothing but fucking and fighting, Im just kidding I never fought in prison."

"The genius and the pool player A genius walks into a bar and says, ""I have 200 IQ!"" The pool player replies, ""I have an eye cue too!"" and pokes the genius in the eye."

"My friend always wants to talk about the scientific principle of buoyancy. It's not interesting to me, but hey, whatever floats your boat."

"My 4 yr old: I wish I was a nurse. Me: You can be one day, if you want. Him: *sadly shaking head* No. I'm going to be a Power Ranger."

"Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I'll never get to touch."

"Your momma's so fat... Her picture fell off the wall She wears a 3 piece bikini There are smaller fat women orbiting her Her tampons come equipped with On Star"

"Husband Bear: Honey! I'm home! Wife Bear: For God's sake, would you at LEAST say hello before demanding dinner?"

"So I beat a Russian Grand Master once. With his own cane."

"When Jesus comes back, how will they discover if he's Jesus or Robot Jesus? by giving him the shroud of turing test."

"That was Samuel Jackson's first ever public appearance without saying ""mother$ucker"""