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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend said she's fed up of me pretending im a detective, and we should split up... I told her that's a great idea, we can cover more ground that way."

"Why don't Hollywood talent agents drink chocolate milk? Because it's not about who you know, but no Yoo-hoo."

"Is this cat saying Meow or Mao? Cause I'm not keepin some commie cat"

"Why did the music critic compare the song to a foul-mouthed mixture of sand and wind? Because it was Da-rude Sandstorm"

"if the gas station is 2 miles away.. ..and my dad's car can travel at 60mph, why hasn't he returned from getting cigarettes after 6 years?"

"Why did the angles have such high self esteem? Because they kept complementing each other."

"Have you seen 'Wears My Penis? Ooops, typo. Have you seen where my pen is?"

"Just told a girl who was getting too close we should just stay friens. In case you're wondering, I'll give her the d later"

"""Actually, I'll have you know I have a degree in liberal arts"" ""That's great ma'am, but I ordered fries with my meal"""

"Arron Hernandez found guilty of first-degree murder He has been sentenced to life in prison without parole. I'm not quite sure how much longer he is going to remain a ""tight end"""