226477

Joke of the Day

"My Muslim friend. I have a friend who used to be a Muslim, now he's an atheist, I guess he was done with that Shiite."

"Microsoft has developed a special version of the Halo 3 rendering engine which can run within LibreOffice Calc spreadsheets... It's called Halo3.**ods**t"

"A perfect breakfast my perfect breakfast: my son on a box of wheaties, my girlfriend on the cover of playboy,my wife on the back of a milk carton..."

"Whenever I go to McDonalds, they always ask me ""What can I get you?"" and I always say ""Give me a second."" And they always give me the number two."

"Dermatologists hate him! It's not because he has a great skin or anything. He's just an asshole"

"I like my women how I like my lightbulbs... ...not too bright, easy to turn on, and hanging in my basement by a wire."

"[How the rap feud started] Me: can u invite all the rappers to my b'day party? 2pac: sure, no biggie Biggie[eavesdropping]: [wipes tears]"

"""Half a dozen"" because saying 6' is way too long..."

"A guy walks into a pet store wanting to buy a talking bird. He sees a parrot and says to the bird, ""Hey, can you speak, stupid?"" The bird replies, ""Yes, can you fly, Dummy?"""

"I have two requirements in my will.... 1) I want my remains spread out at Disney World 2) I do not want to be cremated."