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Joke of the Day

"Two fish are in a tank.... and one says to the other: ""You know how to drive this thing?"""

"Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute? The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack."

"Why doesn't Dubai screen 'The Flintstones'? Because Abu Dhabi doooo."

"jesus could get on twitter and be like ""fear not, child. i know for a fact that your going to heaven!"" and someone would be like ""you're""."

"""Based on a True Story"" on a movie poster basically just means ""has people in it."""

"The other day, I was going down on my girlfriend... ...I said to her, ""Jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy."" She said, ""Why did you say that twice?"" I said, ""I didn't."""

"Coworker: Happy Thanksgiving Eve! Gobble til you wobble! Me: *mutters* How bout you slobble on my knobble CW: What was that? Me: You too"

"I was sorting out my loose change when I dropped a 1p coin and saw it roll into a drain, which everyone around me thought was hilarious. Laughing at my ex-pence."

"Cop: we have you surrounded! Get down on the ground now! Cardboard Man: sigh not again *cops start breakdancing*"

"A study was just published that shark attacks happen most often in water. Now I have to worry about the ones that occur elsewhere."