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Joke of the Day

"I wore my ""Gandalf for President"" shirt to the comic convention. It got a lot of support, but some were turned off by my candidate's hard stance on immigration."

"You know, I heard listening to Queen has been scientifically proven to give people autism. Apparently because of the unusually high Mercury content."

"There is a fine line between public and pubic"

"Every time your kid starts crying when they don't get what they want, just say ""I don't negotiate with terrorists."""

"So I heard Labour put forth a motion to build a new telescope... I guess they want to Observe-a-tory!"

"I take it personally when I let a car cut in front of me and then they immediately get into another lane. Come back you are with me now."

"ER: Ma'am, are you allergic to any medications? Me: I'm not answering your silly questions until you give me the wifi password."

"Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable? The Wheelchair (Dont hate me)"

"I masturbated so good last night That i woke up to find my dick making breakfast"

"What did the student say to his math teacher after his dog ate part of his homework? I got 99 problems, but a bitch ate one."