22639

Joke of the Day

"Yea, autocorrect, I meant ""nymph"" instead of ""my phone"" because I am a 16th Century poet."

"Do you know what Pinocchio and your dad have in common? They were both inside a whale."

"I've managed to build a car without a reverse gear or a steering wheel. It's pretty straight forward really."

"Jokes about German sausage are the wurst"

"Tried pushing her against the wall to kiss her like all you guys suggested. Put her head right through the drywall. Goddam cheap motels."

"Why do porn sites have a share to Google plus button I don't want my friends to know I have Google plus"

"If Pluto isn't a planet because it's too small... then do you really have a penis?"

"How do you make the best Harlem Shake video? You throw a flashbang into a room of epileptic children."

"[at job interview] It says here that you are very hands on. Yes, sir, I am. Can you give me an example of this? *gently caresses his face*"

"Good news! Doctor: I have a really good news for you Mrs Johnson Woman: Well, my name is Ms Johnson Doctor: In that case, I have a really bad news for you Ms Johnson!"