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Joke of the Day

"Trying to think of a joke about jerking off... I'm sure it will come."

"I'd like to welcome everyone with a car visor CD holder to the year 2011. We understand and accept your simple ways here in the future."

"'The victim was beaten with a porcelain angel figurine, suspect confirmed to be an Irishman' 'I guess you could say he was Knick-Knack Paddy Whacked.'"

"What happened to the Jewish Pinokio? He tried to lie, but his nose couldn't get any longer!"

"What do you call it when a redhead goes nuts? A ginger snap."

"[phone rings] Guy: is your refrigerator running? Me: yes my refrigerator is runn- Fridge [grabs phone]: hello? Yeah actually I do crossfit"

"What do you call a gay guy paralyzed from the neck down? A Tomato (because he's both a fruit AND a vegetable)"

"Did you hear Trump announce he's doing one more season of Apprentice? Winner gets to be V.P."

"Justin Trudeau announces free lazer eye surgery for all Canadians in 4 years... When asked why he put forward this proposal, he responded by saying ""because it's 2020""."

"My mum brought a stepladder home yesterday, but it's just not the same as my REAL ladder."