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Joke of the Day

"Fun Super Bowl Game: Every time they show Ray Lewis on the screen, stab someone in your party and then deny it was you."

"If we make guns illegal, then nobody will get shot anymore. That's how we stopped everybody from doing drugs"

"What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler! ^^^... ^^^I ^^^know, ^^^I ^^^know, ^^^/r/dadjokes ^^^is ^^^thataway"

"For the record..when you get punched in the face..it doesn't make that movie sound...at all."

"Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left it"

"My husband has been missing for a week, the police say to prepare for the worst... So I went to the thrift store & got all his clothes back!"

"Auto correct can go straight to He'll"

"I asked my gay friend if he'd like to smoke a fag (cigar) with me He got all upset and said I was really homophonic"

"What does a know-it-all always have in their kitchen? A pedantry."

"With the terror and all the negative things going on in the world today, it's remarkable that Charlie Sheen is able to stay positive."