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Joke of the Day

"Psychologist: Go to your happy place. Me: *grabs car keys* Psychologist: Where are you going? Me: The liquor store."

"A blind guy walks into a bar... His friend then asks if he is okay."

"Your mother is so big that... ...when she is in a plane it makes a solar eclipse."

"I don't know which is stranger: That the cat buried a mouse's body in the yard, or that the service was attended by dozens of mice in suits."

"All I want from life is to be able to respond ""crystal"" when someone angrily asks me if they've made themselves clear."

"STOP TEXTING ME. IF I EVER PLANNED ON TALKING TO YOU AGAIN I WOULDN'T HAVE BORROWED ALL THAT MONEY."

"My girlfriend stormed off after she accused me of cheating and I denied it. But no, I really wasn't fucking anyone named Sirius."

"I heard PAX and Comic Con won't be merging after all... They wanted to avoid so much.... con-fusion."

"What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas? Cancer."

"How do you comfort a grammar Nazi? There,They're,Their . . ."