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Joke of the Day

"My parents say I'm too materialistic... Sent this from my new iPhone 6s Plus by the way."

"ME (wearing Tommy Hilfiger): ready to go? GF: not until u put on something less hideous TOMMY HILFIGER (climbs off me): that was unnecessary"

"Persian joke Yesterday I was so hungry, I went to the sandwich shop and ordered Ham e Cheese. .... means ""every thing"". (first timer here, be gentle)"

"Girlfriend: hey babe you wanna get breakfast and go for a run? (Cut to me with a mouth full of Doritos) Me: I have shin splints"

"Is Google male or female? Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion."

"Why can't black people swim? Because the cops will arrest them"

"How was copper wire created? Two Jews found the same penny."

"Read in Richard Pryors voice... The other day I had to take a shit so bad... The shit came out and said DAMMMMMNNN I gotta take a shit!"

"*calls mom* ""Ma I made 3 friends on twitter today"" *long pause* ""Mom?"" *mom stares at 3 fake twitter accounts she made, fights tears* ""Mom?"""

"Counselor: How many times did I tell you to make your bed? Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to keep count!"