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Joke of the Day

"Why do some birds fly south for the winter? Its to far to walk."

"What is the similarity of pizza and your parents? If they are black you will not eat tonight! (Sorry if this racist joke caused any offence)"

"I spent days, weeks, months, creating the perfect garden gazebo. Meanwhile, my marriage was falling apart"

"Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers in the winter time? To keep Hillary's chin warm!"

"What does the first lady say after bad sex? Thanks Obama."

"Are you sure? Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says, ""I think I've lost my electron."" The other asks, ""Are you sure?"" ""Yes,"" the first says, ""I'm positive."""

"The Dalai Lama and Gandhi aren't the same? I thought they were basically Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana. I feel like people are messing with me."

"Donuts aren't actually nuts... ...they're legumes."

"Mitch Hedberg R.I.P Buddy I was told to move because I was blocking the fire exit ... as if I wouldn't run if there was a fire ... anything flamable and has legs can't ever block a fire exit"

"A policeman pulled me over today after my wife fell out of the car... He said ""Sir, did you know your wife fell out of your car?"" I said "" Oh thank god! I thought I had gone deaf."""