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Joke of the Day

"The downside of having friends who love sarcasm and irony is that when we make plans I'm never entirely sure we really made plans."

"Why did the little refrigerator salute the big refrigerator? Because he was General Electric."

"Where does Ben Carson spend most of his time on Reddit? /r/explainlikeimfive"

"[Job interview] Me: [thinking] I hope he doesn't notice the mustard on my shirt Interviewer: [thinking] Is he eating a fkn hotdog?"

"Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie that was drowning? Because he was too far out, man"

"If two vegetarians are arguing Is it considered a beef?"

"50 ft ladder. John: ""Shit, I just fell off a 50 ft ladder."" Adam: ""Oh no, are you okay?"" John: ""Yeah it's a good thing I fell off the first step."""

"To avoid identity theft when I die I want to be shredded."

"They say to wait a few months before throwing down $1000+ on something, to see if you still want it. Unfortunately, my land lord doesn't seem to agree."

"How did Hitler like his orange juice? Reposted. No? OK. Concentrated."