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Joke of the Day

"Who is it that everybody listens to but nobody believes? The weatherman."

"What's long, hard and bendable and contains the letters p, e, n, i, s? Your spine Edit: Thanks guys, made it to the front page. Was my first joke and ~~penis~~ spine joke on Reddit."

"My girlfriend told me that she looked fat, and wanted me to give her a compliment... I told her that her eyesight was outstanding."

"Cemetery I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a guy behind a gravestone. I said ""Morning."" He replied, ""No, just taking a shit."""

"I ordered a coffee and the barista asked what size. I told her size didn't matter. We laughed. Then she gave me an extra large coffee."

"A truamatizing joke for a single mother to tell their child(ren) ""You look like your father, whoever he is."""

"I get this girl to come home with me. I'm in bed with her and then she tells me ""Just the tip."" Jokes on her, that's all I got."

"Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing."

"I'm teaching 7 it's ok for a man to cry, & it's also ok for a man to jump on a table, scream and throw coins at a spider."

"""The iPad is a bigger version of the iPod touch.""Yep, and my dick is a bigger version of urs.Think about that while I go do big dick things."