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Joke of the Day

"What does Charlie Sheen call his penis? The HIV shiv."

"I think the lady at the movies is ""shushing"" me, but I can't tell because I'm eating Doritos."

"It's okay to smoke weed in the rain, but don't in hail"

"Why can't truck drivers ever fully retire? Because they can only semi retire."

"Caitlyn Jenner has been charged with manslaughter... Bruce is dead."

"[in bed] her: u have done this before, right? me: yes, of course. measure twice, cut once her: what? me: what?"

"Apparently, somebody gets stabbed in London every 52 minutes. Poor bastard."

"I like when a girl wears a pearl necklace But only for the first 10 seconds or so. You know, before it's hard and crusty"

"The bravest thing you can do is change & the weakest is to settle for comfort. But, seriously, that remote is really far from the couch."

"The dinner I ate last night is going to give my grandchildren diabetes."