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Joke of the Day

"[backstage at GOP debate] AIDE: Mr. Trump needs his hair. CAT: I'm puking as fast as I can."

"I don't think Twitter's real. I think I'm in a mall in 1987 listening to ""I Think We're Alone Now"" & my mind invented Twitter to protect me."

"I have to find a new personal trainer. He didn't do squat(s)."

"14 year old me would be shocked to learn that knowing every word to Billy Joel's 'We didn't start the fire' has done nothing for our career."

"Budweiser is a lot like sex on the beach; It's fucking close to water."

"Did you hear that David Copperfield has aids now? Yea, he was doing Magic."

"What do you call a bread that catches a cold? Flu-catcher bread"

"True irony Ay im Rony!"

"Q: Why did the schoolteacher who was in love with head of the school take out a loan with the bank? A: Because she had an interest in the principal."

"I call my penis ""my aircraft carrier"" Because there are always seamen in it."