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Joke of the Day

"I think salads help you lose weight because they're gross and you end up not eating them"

"Why is it so hard to pull over on the Pirate Highway? Because there's a parrot on the shoulder."

"Did you hear about the new toilet upstairs? That's some next level shit"

"Does anyone want to come over and stare at our phones?"

"I don't always kill spiders, sometimes I stare at them a short while to see if we can reach an understanding"

"What do you call a midget prostitute? A lowrider"

"In a way, Han Solo was a bit like a modern Icarus. They both got too close to the son."

"A buddy of mine isn't sure whether he believes in creamy holiday beverages or not. He's eggnogstic."

"Attractive women with no personality are like clear skies on a 10 degree day. Looks good in pictures, but no one wants to live with it."

"I have CDO. It's like OCD, except the letters are all arranged in flawless, perfect alphabetical order... AS THEY SHOULD BE."