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Joke of the Day

"""Relationship experts say romance novels are bad because they give women unreasonable expectations. It's what porno films do for men."""

"How do you get people to pirate an album? Release it on TIDAL"

"BBC News: Man is killed by wave. Fuck, how big was the other guy's hand!?"

"Where would you park your camel? The Camelot. PS Booze helped with this and now I'm laughing alone in my apartment Edit: Went to class, came back, saw this. Me and my cat are thoroughly pleased."

"Convincing your girlfriend she's crazy is called gaslighting, and it's a dick move. Convincing her she's a robot is called bladerunning... It's a Phillip K. Dick move."

"Man! It's raining cats and dogs out there! *MEEEW* SPLAT! *AARFF* SPLAT! Did I close my sunroof? SON OF BITCH!"

"They say don't go to a grocery store when you're hungry But I ran out of food a week ago"

"Don't you hate when someone has a great tweet idea, but they TOTALLY fuck up the wording, and it's you?"

"How to Make A Cat Go Woof"

"I told an Aussie friend I was having trouble rooting my phone He replied, ""Maybe try buying it dinner first, mate. """