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Joke of the Day
"I thought I had Tinnitus but the doctor said it was all in my head."
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"[elementary school] BULLY: gimme your lunch money ME: no B: *grabs me by shirt* I said give it M: ok but this has to stop I'm your teacher"
"Where does Jane Fonda buy her groceries? Traitor Joe's."
"""Give it to me"" she screamed ""Give it to me I'm so fucking wet!"" But try as she might, she wasn't getting my umbrella."
"In my 20s, I was bullied by a crow the size of a chicken for several months."
"What does a bull do to stay warm on a cold day? It goes into a barn and slips into a nice warm Jersey."
"What do you call a fish who works for the government? An Official."
"I love to build things... I love hammering, I love sawing, and I love sanding. But drilling is just plain boring."
"What do you name a girlfriend you haven't had for a long time? Palmela Handerson"
"Told my kids I loved them at carpool and no one responded so I yelled, ""I love you too!"" while hanging out of the sunroof. Me, 1 Kids, 0"