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Joke of the Day

"how do you starve a black person? the same way you would a white person.... you racist."

"So, I was giving my nephew a bath the the other day...... and he pointed to my penis and asked ""Why is your penis bigger than mine?"" I looked at him and said ""That's because mine is erect!"""

"""How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?"" *I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught."

"Visiting Child House I went by the house I grew up in and asked if I could go in and look around. They said no and slammed the door in my face. Parents can be real jerks..."

"I gave my girlfriend a picture of me for her birthday It was a gif."

"Why didn't the man report his stolen credit card? The thief was spending less then his wife."

"So Batman is flying around metropolis looking for crime when... Superman walks up and is all like, ""hey motherfucker, what the fuck?"" Sorry, it's Halloween. ;)"

"I would most likely die like 45 minutes into a zombie apocalypse, and even more likely it would not be zombie apocalypse related."

"My roommate just told me he tried to walk to Russia from Alaska. He pulled up short because he couldn't get his Bering Strait."

"Twitter. /twt.r/ (noun) Twit-ur: an omnidirectional toxic sludge pump for the lame and unfunny musings of the imbecilic masses."