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Joke of the Day

"George Bush and his son like to refer to each other as ""41"" and ""43."" I don't know why they'd be so proud of IQ's that low."

"How do you stop a fish from smelling? Cut its nose off."

"Just went down to get my driver's license renewed but this time I made sure I was drunk for the picture. Now if I ever get pulled over for drunk driving, they'll just think I'm spastic."

"I was once slapped in the face by a girl with twelve nipples... (.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.) Sounds weird, dozen tit?"

"I wanted to make a joke about black people but it's not gonna work"

"When you said you wanted to show me a stiff one, I had no idea you worked in a morgue."

"I dont mean to sound racist, but why is my baby black? *doctor sighs for like 3 mins* ""Sir, its an ultrasound"" *Seinfeld bass riff for days*"

"Total shocker that you actually have to pay for things when you get to the register. Go ahead and dump your purse on the counter. We'll wait"

"(prostate exam) Dr: WOW! I've never seen this before Me: OMG! WHAT *loud click Me: DID YOU JUST TAKE A SELFIE Dr:.. And send Me: WTF?"

"I'll have an Italian BMT on Cheddar bread with everything but lettuce. A squirt of mayo and yellow mustard too please. Oops. Wrong sub."