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Joke of the Day

"Old man ear hair is an evolutionary survival trait based on 10's of thousands of years to drown out spousal bitching"

"Customer told me this yesterday... First comes the engagement ring...followed by the marriage ring...but no one ever told me what came after that. The suffering."

"So I asked my friend, ""I hear your husband applied for a position in the government"" Me:""What is he doing now?"" Friend: ""Nothing"" Me: ""But I thought he got the job!?"" Friend: ""Yes he did."""

"Finding $5 you didn't know you had is awesome til you realize you're 34, it's 2011 & $5 won't even buy enough gas to drive you off a cliff."

"My driver's license says I'm an organ donor but jokes on them because I have a piano."

"What's a knife's favorite dessert? Slice cream."

"Chuck Norris' chest hair has chest hair."

"I've never gotten in a car accident whenever I'm drunk or high. So, statistically, based on the data, I am a worse driver when I'm sober. Now where's my whiskey?"

"*returns tent to Target* CASHIER: What was the problem? ME: The packing implied that there would be a family that loves me inside the tent"

"As a Fat bottomed girl, I'm not sure how we're expected to make the Rockin' world go round. That sounds *way* too much like exercise to me"