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Joke of the Day

"I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink on days that start with letter T. Tuesday, Thursday and Today. Edit: Also Tomorrow."

"I said to the gym instructor: ""Can you teach me to do the splits?"" He said: ""How flexible are you?"" I said: ""I can't make Tuesdays""."

"What do you give a man who has everything? Penicillin"

"For people who've been around such a long time, grandparents seem constantly amazed that children grow."

"Couple trolling A couple is sitting on the porch sipping wine. The wife says ""I love you"". The husband says ""Is that you or the wine talking?"". The wife replies ""It's me, talking to the wine""..."

"Did you hear about that poor gymnast's bank account? Her balance was outstanding."

"I will never eat at Chick-Fil-A because of its owner's bigotry. Thank god every other corporation is run by kind, forward-thinking people!"

"What do you call a tree that smokes weed? Snoop Log"

"What is the best Christmas present in the world? A broken drum, you just can't beat it!"

"Why do the Scottish wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away."