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Joke of the Day
"What kind of music does a printer make? A paper jam."
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"""Socks... they're like... soft little canoes for your feet."" - Don Draper, having a stroke"
"BUILD A MAN A FIRE... BUILD A MAN A FIRE AND HE'LL BE WARM FOR A DAY SET A MAN ON FIRE, HE'LL BE WARM FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE."
"Friend: I need your advice. Me: Wear less eyeshadow. Friend: I meant about my love life. Me: Friend: Me: Friend: Me: Wear less eyeshadow."
"What gives milk and has a horn? A milk tank!"
"Judge ""Why are you divorcing her?"" Me ""She changed the station during Bohemian Rhapsody."" J ""You get half her stuff."" *air guitar solo*"
"Why was six afraid of seven Because seven was a registered six offender"
"[end of a job interview] Interviewer: Any questions? Me: If you could become half robot, would you do it? Him: Me: Him: Which half?"
"What is the easiest way to get a small fortune? You start with a large one."
"[bursts into garage] ""why is your car still on? you've been in here for 3 days"" i'm trying to kill myself ""but you drive an electric car"""