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Joke of the Day

"The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense"

"Why aren't there any British Communists? Because communists believe all proper tea is theft."

"What makes a Mexican saddest about the rise of ebooks? The closing of the Borders."

"My friends cat just ran across his banjo and was immediately sued by Mumford and Sons."

"This guy next to me says my cigarette smoke is bothering him. I'm like: Well, it's killing me and I'm not bitching about it."

"""We invented sex"", proudly said the Greeks ""we introduced women into it"", said the italians"

"I scaled Everest! And I give nicknames to fish."

"I'm never a more ineffective parent than when I accidentally make threats that rhyme."

"*leaning seductively, slowly dragging fingertip across countertop* Me: how much for the entire case? Donut shop clerk: ma'am, $8.99 a dozen"

"Why should you not tell jokes to sand paper? It's a rough crowd ...Ba da bum chssh"