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Joke of the Day

"[catches your phone before it hits the ground] Whew, that was close! [smashes your phone against the wall] See, that could have happened."

"why did the spy cross the road because he never really was on your side hold your applause."

"Boss: Just spend the company's money with the same discretion as you would your own. Me: I understand. *bankrupts the company"

"What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who plays the piano? Clever Dick."

"Ikea failed miserably at processed meat products business Someone ordered meatballs and Ikea sends them a cow with DIY instructions"

"What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale!"

"People with egg avatars are the extras having silent conversations that no one pays attention to."

"Twitter is like a conversation at the water cooler. If the water cooler was full of vodka. And you could smoke. And the boss was out of town"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Abba ! Abba who ? Abba'out turn ! Quick march!"

"Someone should invent a version of Twitter for people who spell things like rappers. They could call it ""twita"". Dat would b nize"