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Joke of the Day

"Does Target have crack floating through their air vents? Went in to buy milk, came out with a giraffe, 6-pack, someone's kid, and a headache"

"I'm a paranoid narcissist... I'm afraid no one's out to get me!"

"""May I take your order?"" the waiter asked. ""Yes how do you prepare your chickens?"" ""Nothing special sir"" he replied. ""We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."""

"Manslaughter. The sound of a man laughing?"

"Women don't know what they want. Men don't know what they have."

"How do fish lose weight? They Swim-fast."

"I'm in a 12 step program for musical theatre addicts. I'm on step 5, 6, 7, and!"

"Did you hear about the guy who broke into Tiger Woods' house? Took a lot of balls."

"Starbucks needs a separate line for people who say ""um"""

"Marriage counselling because sometimes your spouse needs to hear from a professional that they're being an ass."