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Joke of the Day

"I've been so stressed recently I've been doing that Chinese thing with the needles. You know...heroin."

"In the future, bars will have airtight tubes people can go fart in. The tubes will have pipes that connect to prisons."

"frodo: [doesnt know how to get to mordor, doesnt know how to fight, doesnt know who he should actually trust] i need to do this alone"

"My wife asked me to stop singing Wonderwall... I said maybe"

"Why do you take toilet paper to the twilight zone? DODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODO"

"A ginger, a brunette and a blonde in Hell Just kidding, how could a ginger go to hell without a soul?"

"why was the computer late to work? because it had a hard drive! (stole it from ellen, from her classic joke tuesday)"

"I accidentally ran over and killed my neighbor's cat today... I was too scared to tell him to his face, so I left a note saying ""curiosity was here."""

"I have the eyes of a hawk, the ears of a fox... and a lifetime ban from the zoo."

"what do you call chess players bragging in a hotel lobby? chess nuts boasting in an open foyer"