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Joke of the Day

"A yoga pants owner, an uggs owner, and an iphone owner walks into a starbucks She orders a drink - Pumpkin Spice Latte"

"Knock Knock Knock knock ""Who's there?"" ""The pilot, let me in"" Too soon?"

"I like to use Rock, paper scissors to make all my binary choices. Like what gender I am"

"What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!"

"My lesbian neighbors... My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday. It's nice, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, ""I wanna watch."""

"What is a pedophile's favorite shoe? White Vans."

"I'm fearfully awaiting the day my alarm clock becomes self-aware and the snooze button hits me back."

"(I heard this one a while back, sorry) Why can't you use a the restroom at a Beatles reunion concert? Because there is no John."

"You know those dirty movies that come on late at night? If one of those actresses doesn't feel comfortable doing a certain dirty scene, they use a cunt double"

"If I applied for a job at the Vatican & they asked for my references I'd say, ""Contact Him"" while pointing up. HOW COULD I NOT GET THE JOB."