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Joke of the Day

"boys need to work on keeping their Instagram up to date with good pics. I can't show my mom some pic of a fish you caught 120 weeks ago"

"I retweeted my boss to let her know that I know she's tweeting during the meeting."

"""I love the fall!"" - girls who are happy they don't have to suck in their stomach in pictures anymore"

"Steps to getting into her pants: 1) Wait for her to fall asleep 2) Take her pants off 3) Put them on yourself 4) Find a top that matches"

"Did you hear about the porn star who wanted to do a scene with all five members of Aerosmith? It didn't quite work out. They could only get Foreigner"

"When God eats mushrooms He has delusions of regular."

"What did the gay paraplegic take for heartburn? Rolaids"

"Out of all Katherine Heigl films, I enjoyed the one where she starts with being a prude but ends up having fun with a guy and falls in love."

"What do they call American Liberty in Israel? A valid target."

"What should you do with your sick pig? make it into cured bacon"