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Joke of the Day

"boys need to work on keeping their Instagram up to date with good pics. I can't show my mom some pic of a fish you caught 120 weeks ago"

"The other day, a frog jumped underneath my lawmower.. I guess he was trying to *kermit* suicide."

"Haven't been sleeping well, which is ridiculous cuz I have decades of experience"

"What do you get the girl who has everything? Penicillin."

"Congress If CON is the opposite of PRO, is congress the opposite of progress?"

"Two guys walk into a bar.... You would think the first guy would've warned the other."

"What's the difference between Jam and Jelly? I can't jelly my dick in your ass."

"Technically there is a lot of food in this house but none it is sweet or microwaveable therefore there is no food in the house."

"Why are you prodding me with that ruler? ""Im measuring your patience"""

"Did you hear about the Indian that drank 50 cups of Tea? He drowned in his Tea Pee."