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Joke of the Day

"Sheryl Crow: This ain't no disco. This ain't no country club either. Sheryl Crow - The world's worst archaeologist."

"My Grandpa said,... ""Your generation relies too much on technology!"" I replied, ""No, your generation relies too much on technology!"" Then I unplugged his life support."

"fireworks underwater detonation petarda dum bum pod woda dum bum unter wasser"

"[1st Row at Beyonce Concert] Beyonce: Who run da world?! *points mic at me* ME: [having briefly heard the song once before] ...squirrels?"

"What do you call a boat full of Karma? An Upboat."

"How come the giant Ape climbed up the side of the skyscraper? The elevator was broken!"

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face."

"What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a bald eagle A life time ban from the zoo and a felony...apparently"

"WORK TIP: Respond to all your boss's emails with ""Heyyyy you!"""

"when the character's name is the same as the actor's name I assume it's because the actor was too stupid to respond to his character's name"