217533

Joke of the Day

"Hate to be that guy.... ... because he's a dick. Fuck him."

"want to go to a pet store and pet the guinea pigs. let me see those baked potatos stat. i want to hear the noise they make"

"Why do teenage girls travel in odd numbered groups? Because they can't even"

"I once stood 2 Twix bars up. Allahu Snackbar! (It was originally ""Allahu Akbar"", but u/Disagreeing_Man made it funnier.)"

"How do you figure out that your girlfriend is getting too fat? She starts fitting into your wife's clothes."

"America's new motto If it's worth eating it's worth over eating."

"Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way."

"Why do the bald seem to handle life so much better than the rest? They're always eager for more on their pate."

"What's the longest you've ever stared at your phone without glancing up to look at the road while driving? For me it's three weeks."

"Why did Pinocchio tell lies? Because he was a fucking liar! -from Louis CK's AMA-"