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Joke of the Day

"Donald Trump says he'll open up secret 9/11 files. Miley Cyrus says she'll flee the country if Trump is elected. Connect the dots, people."

"If I answer you with my voice two octaves higher than normal, ""whaaaaat?!"" then one octave lower than normal, ""noooooo,"" the answer was yes."

"The worst kind of human contact is ""eye contact through that crack in a bathroom stall when you're pulling up your pants"" contact."

"I walked into a male underwear store for a quick second. I had a brief encounter."

"What do elephants use for tampons? Sheep."

"Music Joke Nobody could find Beethoven's teacher because he is Haydn."

"""Count your blessings. Then count them again."" - OCD optimist"

"If a tramp and a bunch of rich people are dressed the same, how does the tramp stand out? He begs to differ."

"My girlfriend turned to me and said ""Dave, I think we've come to the end of the road."" ""Why?"" I said, shocked. ""We're in a lake."""

"Probably a good thing I'm not a ghost cause I'd just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food."