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Joke of the Day

"Erotic literature for premature ejaculators ------------------- Chapter 1. ------------------- She looked at him. ------------------- The end. -------------------"

"My 8 year old son wrote this... What do you call the ghost of a chicken that haunts people in their homes? A poultry-geist."

"Arguing with someone spoils your day and mood, increases your blood pressure and is bad for your health. Instead of arguing, Just punch them in the fucking face and be done with it."

"My grandfather went to the doctor The doctor said he has the body of a 21 year old, who smokes, drinks, and does hard drugs."

"I've decided that I'm going to start texting people back. That's it. That's the joke."

"""David you're late again!"" ""Sorry boss.."" [cut to: me running on all fours through a forest chasing deer] ""...traffic"""

"Detective: how were u able to do it? Serial Killer: thanks to the flexibility of Uber. I was able to work my own hours and still murder"

"If there's a pistachio that's difficult to open, I'll just move right on to another because life is short and so is my god damn temper"

"When you're in trouble at work, be frank..... That way, when the boss finds out, Frank gets the blame."

"It's not true love until you annoy me with a Facebook post professing it."