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Joke of the Day

"*sees a shark in a homemade clam costume* That's a pretty dubious clam"

"Judge: How do you find the defendant? Jury Foreman: Well...I guess I just look right at him. Why -- isn't that how you do it?"

"I found Korn in my poop. I'm glad it was Falling Away from Me instead of Coming Undone."

"What's round and black and blue? A blueberry that occasionally gets hit by her husband"

"You can burn up to 150 calories through one vigorous session of masturbation... Still got me kicked out of my weight watchers meeting though."

"I just pissed like a horse. Not an easy stance, let me tell you."

"I'm dating a supermodel with hemiparesis. She's not half-bad."

"what did the police do when they wanted to interrogate mark? question mark."

"Just saw the hottest DILF! (it was glazed)"

"My post on /r/bombs made the front page Edit: holy shit this blew up"