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Joke of the Day

"I feel like a battery because I am not included in anything :("

"My brother took being sent to prison really badly. He was yelling and screaming, took off his clothes, and would not accept any food from anyone. That was the last time we played monopoly."

"What's the difference between my ex and the titanic? The titanic only went down on 1,000 people!"

"[Walks in on girlfriend on death bed] ME: [Crying] this can't be happening GRIM REAPER: Dude, I can explain. She totally came on to me"

"Dating tip: Walk up to a girl in a club, smile, look into her eyes, take her hand and walk away. If she wants her hand back, she'll find you"

"The 1996 film ""Crack"" was directed by whom? Francis Snort Cokealot"

"[NSFW] 3 people having se... 3 people having sex is called threesome 2 people having sex is called twosome So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', dont take it as a compliment!"

"Punny Chemistry ""What's Jerry Sandusky's favorite compound?"" ""What?"" ""A mole ester"""

"My grandma got me a gift card to Walmart for my birthday. She told me not to spend it all in one place."

"Last time I went through Canadian customs and they asked me if I had anything to declare, I said, ""You guys make great maple syrup!"""