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Joke of the Day

"What did the green grape say to the purple grape? BREATHE!!!"

"Newspaper and IPAD I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. ""Don't be silly"", she replied. ""Borrow my iPad."" .... That spider didn't knew what f***ing hit it."

"What do you call somebody with no body and no nose? Nobody knows!"

"My grandma got her bathroom redone with this sparkly gold-specked tile and she just called it her ""golden shower"" so goodnight."

"My mum said that if I don't get off reddit and do my homework she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn"

"""My computer just crashed"" is going to be a much more serious statement when self-driving cars are the norm"

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea I won't pay 200 to have a lentil on my face"

"*tucks an errant lock of my gynecologist's hair behind her ear with my toes*"

"""Bartender, I'd like to buy that table of women debating their favorite season of The Bachelor a round of cats"""

"In my experience, less than 40% of people wearing ""Duke"" sweatshirts are actual dukes"