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Joke of the Day

"Fellas, imagine having your balls roughly kneaded for two days straight. Congratulations you just experienced menstrual cramps."

"People who talk about me behind my back discussed me."

"Conductor: Again from measure 5 if you please. Voice from viola section: But Maestro we have no measure numbers."

"I bet rocket scientists are conceited bastards. ""YOU CALL THIS A MARTINI? THIS ISN'T ROCKET SCIENCE DAMMIT! I WOULD KNOW!"""

"What's the difference between a fairy tale and a war story? Nothing, except fairy tales start off with ""Once upon a time"", and war stories start off with ""No shit, this really happened""."

"What do hurricanes most like to eat for dessert? -Candy Canes"

"Why did the Irish man never get caught drink driving? Because he never left the pub."

"I'm 27, my BF is 37. Is 10 years too much of an age gap? 'cause his son is 17 and really hot."

"What's the darkest dark humor joke you got? I start!.. What's the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani elementary school? I don't know, I just fly the drone."

"What's Irish and stays out all night? Patty O'Furniture."