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Joke of the Day

"My kids use all the toilet paper, dictate when I sleep and eat, and destroy everything I own. My house is its own little communist country."

"Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff? Because she was wearing mittens."

"I told this guy I was arguing with if he stepped one more step closer I would hit him in the face, but he kept walking right to me. I guess he didn't understand the punchline."

"What's the difference between light and hard? You can still fall asleep with the light on!"

"Guy walks into a doctors office.. Guy walks into a doctor's office, wearing nothing but saran wrap. The doctor looked at him and said ""Clearly, I can see your nuts."" (Buddum-bum)"

"What's the difference between a politician and a bucket of shit? The bucket."

"How do you know a soprano is at the door? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in."

"It's OK to go number 1 in the shower... ...unless you count like a computer programmer."

"What does a woman's asshole do while having an orgasm? He's usually at home with the kids."

"It's the story of Zip the penguin. It's a penguin, walking happily on the ice, and.... Ziiiiiiip the penguin!"