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Joke of the Day

"Why you shouldnt vote for Hillary because Bill always chose someone other than Hillary, and you should too"

"Is the Capitol of Kansas pronounced ""Wichitay"" or ""Wichitah?"" It's pronounced ""Topeka."""

"My website just crashed from a huge influx of traffic today... I wonder why so many people are interested in my superb owl, today of all days. I mean, he's really great and all, but he's just an owl."

"I like my coffee how I like my women Bitter, black, and preferably fair trade."

"What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? *The taste.*"

"Where did the pregnant T-Rex go for a check-up? The dinocologist"

"What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block."

"To make small talk interesting, stare inquisitively at one spot on the person's face until they self-consciously touch it."

"* Falls down rock face * Breaks legs. Bleeds profusely * Slowly reaches for pocket * Pulls out phone * Checks twitter notifications"

"I tried mugging an old aged pensioner yesterday. I said, ""Give me all your money now, bitch, or you're geography."" ""Don't you mean history?"" she replied. I said, ""Don't try to change the subject."""