215059

Joke of the Day

"A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?"

"We shouldn't send our trash into space, that's how you get space raccoons"

"wife: ""HOW ARE WE OUT OF ICE AGAIN?"" me: ""DUNNO,"" I yell from the bathroom; the penguin and I can barely contain our laughter."

"Skrillex sounds like that time I threw a bag of beer bottles into an empty dumpster & a homeless dude yelled jibberish at me for waking him."

"Who was the worst U.S. President of all time? Hoover, his administration really sucked."

"Have a girl that everyone else dreams about, but don't dream about a girl that everyone else has."

"Which chord is essential to every Christian song? Gsus"

"My favorite one liner ever!!! Last night I walked into a bar it hurt"

"I've been known to give sage advice from time-to-time. Though I do get funny looks for talking to herbs."

"In my house there are 5 females, 9423 pony tail holders, 49 bottles of nail polish, 8 justin bieber posters & 1 very patient, worn down man."